If only
by Vickstar
Summary: What if Voldermort never rose to power in the first place? Harry gains a too short glimpse of what might have been...


What If  
  
Harry shivered. He could here the others snoring softly and tossing as they slept. It was Christmas Eve and his eyes refused to close. His head was swimming. He glanced over to Ron's bed but he was definitely sleeping. Harry just needed to talk to somebody, anybody about something, he wasn't sure what.  
  
Grabbing some extra clothes and his invisible cloak he stood up. He grabbed the Marauders map from his bed-side table and muttered the magic words. Glancing across it he saw there was not one person stirring even Filch was secure in his room.  
  
Harry pulled on the extra cloths and the cloak. Grabbing a quill and some parchment he left the dormitory. He'd write to Sirius. But what could he say? 'Hey I know you're really busy stopping the most powerful wizard in the world gaining power but it's Christmas Eve and I'm lonely!' It was a stupid idea. So instead he wondered aimless round the castle. There was a small door to his left. Glancing at the map he saw it was a storeroom, curious he went into it.  
  
The room stank of dust and old parchment. It wasn't as interesting as he'd guessed it might be. It was full of broken furniture and cobwebs. He was about to turn and leave when an object caught his eye. There was something glinting gold in the far corner. For a minute he thought it might be the snitch. As quietly as he could he pushed his way over to it. It looked like a pensive. Gingerly, aware that he of all people should not go touching strange magical things he brushed its surface with his wand.  
  
Suddenly he was falling, colours blurring. His stomach was turning over and over, he was sure he was going to be sick. He closed his eyes tight shut to try and stop his head from spinning. He wasn't sure he could take anymore, at last he felt himself hitting something hard. He had landed in a largish bedroom. He blinked, it was quite dark and still except for a bed in one corner where someone was sleeping. Suddenly he was startled by a loud shout. "It's Christmas folks IT'S CHRISTMAS" came a booming voice. The person in the bed groaned and rolled over reaching for the light and then he slipped on a pair of glasses. Glasses that look just like mine thought Harry. Harry looked more closely at the boy and gave a frightened cry when he saw that the boy looked identical to him except he didn't have a scar.  
  
Harry stood rooted to the spot. He tried to slow his heart and breathing but he was absolutely terrified. Suddenly a head poked round the door and Harry started. He knew that man; he'd studied his photos so many times, spent so many long hours at the Dursleys trying to imagine what it would have been like to know that man. It was his father.  
  
Harry's dad grinned at the scar-less Harry then shot a jet of water at him from his wand before darting of laughing. The boy grabbed some clothes and legged it to the bathroom shouting some abuse at his father.  
  
Harry hardly heard, his heart was pounding so load. So this is what he should have had, if Voldermort had never risen to power. Shaking he followed the boy out of the room and then stared. A girl who looked about a year or so younger than him was standing on the landing rubbing her eyes "Harry," she moaned to the firmly closed door "you always get to use the bathroom first!" "Well I wouldn't be on the quidditch team if I didn't know how to run!" came the reply. "How does that work?" Came a third voice "you play on brooms." The girl giggled. Then a woman emerged and Harry blinked tears back as he saw his mother standing in the doorway of another room. He barely had time for reflection before his father came bounding up the stares. "I'm gonna kill you dad!" shrieked the girl "Why did you get us up so early!" "Because he likes annoying people that why!" said Harry's mother wanly. "Sorry Carrie" said Harry's dad still grinning. Harry suddenly realized he'd forgotten to breath. He took a deep shaky breath. So he thought I'd have had a sister, Carrie, Carrie the name reeled through his mind. She was pretty; with jet-black hair just like his own but her mothers build and face. Her eyes were green just like Harry's. Harry found then, how badly he wanted a sister. His heart was burning. His other self darted out of the bathroom and hit his sister playfully with a towel. He didn't wear baggy hand me down like Harry had to. "Finally!" muttered Carrie going into the bathroom herself. "Harry what time did you say the Weasleys and Hermione were coming?" asked his mother. "Nine" grunted scar-less Harry. "Hey are Ron and Hermione an item yet?" grinned Harry's dad. The scar-less Harry smirked "Not officially" "Oh good, good then a lot of teasing is in order!" Carrie emerged from the bathroom and Harry's dad shouted "Presents!" They all darted down stares The scar less Harry trying to push his sister out of the way and his mother laughing at the faces Harry's dad was pulling as he stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for them to catch him up.  
  
Harry followed dazedly; he wanted this, HE WANTED THIS. It hurt so badly that he could want anything that much. He watched as his other self opened present after, well thought out present; chocolates and sweets, enough to make Dudley gorp. There were books, gimmicks and games, but best of all a broom case with a picture of himself catching the snitch in an amazing dive, the dive he'd done against Ravenclaw last match. Except his father hadn't seen that dive or heard about from Harry, because Harry's father was dead. Harry felt a large tear role down his cheek as the scar-less Harry thanked his parents over and over again. It was almost torture for the watching Harry, but he was certain he wanted to watch it.  
  
Suddenly a sound made them all jump and with a smile Harry recognized Sirius Black's head floating in the fire. But this wasn't the Sirius Harry knew. He looked quite different, his hair shone and his eyes sparkled with laughter. He hadn't had to suffer in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit! thought Harry. "Bet you missed me loads" he grinned, he looked so much more carefree then Harry had ever seen him. "More than life its self!" sighed Harry's mum sarcastically "How could I not AFTER YOU TRASHED MY HOUSE COMPLETELY THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE!!!" "Oh come on Lily you love me really!" "Shhh! Sirius!" she laughed "your not meant to make it obvious or James will find out about our affair!!" Harry's Dad pretended to faint in shock, they all laughed, but after Harry's dad had laid there for a minute or so Sirius spun his head round to get a closer look. "He's not dead is he?" He asked finaly. "Oh please! It'd do us all a favour then we might be able to get some SLEEP in the mornings!" Smiled Carrie. Everyone laughed. Harry's mother raised her wand and put a tickling spell on him he giggled madly like a two year old before screaming for mercy so that she released him. "He's not dead!" she said matter-of-factly to Sirius  
  
Next moment Sirius' head disappeared before he came tumbling out of the fire grinning wildly. "Happy Christmas!" he beamed happily. Harry watched as he chucked everyone a present. He edged forward to see what Sirius had bought him. It was a new watch. "Wow!" his other self was saying. "This is soooo cool Sirius thanks!" Carrie had just opened a large box of chocolate and a new quill which when you tried to write with it sang and danced round the table. "Thanks!" she said laughing. "Hey but how come you brought Harry a sensible present?" "Your mother confiscated what I was going to give him!" said Sirius exasperatedly. "Don't worry!" Harry's dad whispered to the scar-less Harry, "Tap it three times and we'll see who got the 'sensible' present!" He did so and a once a rather rude song started echoing through the room every one was in fits of laughter including the watching Harry whose tears were now mixed with laughter. Harry recovered in time to see his mother fighting for composure then drawing her wand and pointing it threateningly at Sirius who dashed to hide behind Carrie. Luckily for him at that point a figure came tumbling out of the fire. It was a girl Harry only barely recognized. She was a Gryfindor two years below Harry at school. She must be in Carrie's class thought Harry wistfully. She waved at everyone cheerfully and wished them all a happy Christmas before running over to Carrie. They started chattering in low voices and giggling wildly. The scar-less Harry rolled his eyes at Sirius. "Why do girls all giggle like that?" he groaned. Harry wished he could show himself just how lucky he really was. He'd kill for a sister and this boy thought it was some kind of curse.  
  
Suddenly the fire erupted again and a familiar figure came out smiling. Remus Lupin looked so much younger somehow and much less closed and drawn. He smiled cheerfully round setting down his briefcase near the fire. "Professor Lupin!" laughed Carrie. "How many times do I have to tell you? It's Professor Lupin at Hogwarts and Remus in the holidays! You make me feel so old!!" "You are old!" grinned Sirius "And a happy Christmas to you too!" said Remus. "If he's old, you must be too Sirius!" pointed out the Harry's father. "Ahh but you see you and him have aged prematurely because you've grown up and done all these grown up things!!" Sirius replied defiantly. "Are you calling me old!" yelled Harry's dad indignantly. "Yes you old man, next you'll be talking about the weather and how things used to be better when you were a lad!" The scar-less Harry caught his mothers eye and they both sniggered. "How dare you!" yelled Harry's dad and each grabbing a cushion from the sofa he and Sirius began to clobber each other with them. Remus stepped forward to commentate. "And James has hit Sirius in a rather awkward place and oooh nice come back Paddfoot. Ahh Prongs I relies Sirius has an ugly face but that was a wee bit vicious! Wouldn't you agree there Li.ahhh!" Enraged by his comment Sirus leapt on top of Remus and soon there were three in the whirling mass of cushions. "Mum what on earth possessed you to marry one of these losers?" Asked Carrie loudly. "Oh because Severus Snape wasn't quite as rich as your father!" she replied smiling archly. Harry's dad turned round and started opening and shutting his mouth soundlessly until Sirius took the opportunity to shove his cushion in his mouth.  
  
Then a figure stepped out of the fire place. Harry smiled it was Hermione. She waved and then turned to Harry's mother and said "Hello Mrs Potter how are you?" She smiled and replied, "Very relieved it's the holidays and there are some adults in the house again." Hermione glanced over to the three fighting men and laughed. Ron and Ginny then emerged from the fireplace and Sirius poked his head up from the fight and mouthed to Carrie "Count the red heads!" she giggled but unfortunately Harry's mother saw him and was edging towards the pillow fighters wearing a dangerous expression.  
  
Suddenly an owl flew through the window. Harry's mum caught the letter it dropped and coughed loudly "James there's a letter for you dear!" "Literally 'dear' hey prongs!" laughed Sirius and then continued to beat Remus with his cushion. "Oh really!" she muttered and drew out her wand sending the cushions back to the sofa and handing the letter to James. "Ahhh" he said "It's from old Wormtail, I though he should be here by now!" He read the letter looked a little concerned and then read it allowed. "Hey! -I know I promised to be here for Christmas ad I really wish I was but, you see. There's this girl. I think she's part vella but don't be mad cos I followed her to America. I should be home soon hopefully with a bride to be.  
  
Yours Peter."  
  
There was a silence. "Poor chap!" muttered Remus straightening out his gray hair. "I hope he comes to his senses soon!" whispered Harry's mum. "But you know Pete," said Sirius starting to smile again "He'll be back as soon as he realizes he has to do his own cooking!" They all smiled. "Hey!" said Harry's dad suddenly "Hi Hermione, Ron, Ginny!" "Hi!" they replied "Where are those admirable brothers of yours?" asked Sirius. Ginny giggled "Explaining to Mum why Percy's got pink fluff growing out of his ears!!" Harry smiled maybe this wasn't even real but, that said it was frighteningly life like. "Now you guys," said Remus suddenly, "Presents from moi and I think we will start with yours James and Sirius." He reached into his brief case and drew out to very large parcels and handed one to Harry's dad and one to Sirius. Rather suspiciously they tore off the wrapping and Harry moved closer to see what they were. They appeared to be nothing more than large brown folders with their names written on them. Remus saw the questioning eyes and smiled a little. "These my friends are your school files, a record of all concerns raised about you and all detentions claimed. Congratulations gentlemen they were the largest in the entire filing cabernet!" Suddenly everyone was interested so Sirius and Harry's dad laid the files on the floor. Everyone gathered round. Harry tried to peer over his own head to see but he couldn't see much. "Ahh those were the days," sighed Sirius "when the great Marauders caused havoc through the school!" Harry's mum suddenly gained a mischievous grin and turned to Carrie. "Have I ever told you what my friends and I used to call the Marauders at school?" Carrie shook her head. "The Moron's odor!" everyone laughed except Sirius, James and Remus who looked slightly offended. "Hey nice one!" said Ron suddenly "James Potter received a detention for Herboligy after repotting the Callack plant in a dung bomb rather than soil. Punishment: He was assigned to clean the greenhouse after the subsequent explosion!" "You should have seen the look on her face. It was worth a billion detentions!" hooted Sirius. "What the.?" exclaimed Hermione suddenly, shaking slightly with laughter and pointing to one entry. Sirius quickly tried to turn the page but Harry's mum was to quick, she pulled out her wand and seized the book off him with a cry of "Expelliarmus!" she smiled and then read the entry aloud. "Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were all caught out of bounds at 1 am. Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin were wearing pink floury dresses. No satisfactory explanation was given!" Everyone fell about laughing even Harry who had practically been in tears again was now laughing. "I can explain!" Sirius was yelling over the hubbub, "It wasn't as bad as it sounds it was a silly bet.I can explain!" But suddenly everything started to melt away and Harry desperately tried to hang on, he wanted to stay there forever so what if it wasn't real! He just wanted to go back. But he found himself back in the room and the golden pensive appeared to be gone, he searched everywhere for it but it was gone. He felt really empty.  
  
Then he noticed a scrap of paper where the bole had once stood. He snatched it up. It was written in Latin but as he watched the characters changed to English before his eyes. It read "This can't be, it never will be, there is no point dwelling on what might have been because it never can be". Tears formed again in Harry's eyes, of course it never could be, Wormtail had made sure of that! There may be a time when the only explanation Sirius would have to give was why he had been wearing a dress at 1 in the morning. But there would never be a time when Wormtails worst crime was stupidity. There would never be a time when he'd see his parents living again. But then what was it Dumbledoor had said about him? His father was alive in him. Harry suddenly felt a little better and then he allowed a playful smile onto his face. Where were the student detention records kept? He looked down at the map and whispered "Ok prongs lets see what you really did at school!" for a second he thought that the O in Prongs on the title winked at him, but the next second he was sure it was his imagination. 


End file.
